DAY ONE -

The first day of December. The start of the Christmas season. My first Christmas without mom. 

Interesting enough Thanksgiving has come and gone, and though it was hard I have this gut feeling that Christmas is going to be harder. Each ornament I put up I recall that they are hand-me-downs from my mother. The tree it's self, the one we keep saying "this is it's last year", is still going strong. This tree was bequeathed to us seven years ago and he is also a hand-me-down from Mom. Which means this beloved tree is much older than seven years old. But since it was mom's it was well taken care of and stored properly. So it continues to bless or home with its charm.  I love my tree and the one branch that we duct taped back on after Tanner's troubled three's. *wink*

With the beginning of December here, I look forward to the baking, the giving, the music, the selflessness and the stories of this season. And most of all the worlds ability to focus on the Savior's birth. 

I was sitting with Mason, my 10 year old, and with a sigh I asked him for ideas on how we can make this year more focused on Christ. Bless his heart he said, "It always is." 

That brought me comfort and smile. 

So with tears threatening to fall at any moment I embark on this first Christmas without her. I search for opportunities to feel her near and I know I will. Because as we focus on the Savior, I will feel his love and through his comfort, I will feel her beside me. Which will probably make me cry even more... 

... but that's okay. 

I'm okay.

Merry Christmas. 

DAY ONE