Proximity

Being near her is helping me. 

I only have to travel 20 minutes home. Last night when I left her and dad alone I worried for my dad. I am a lot like him, in that when I have a task to focus on I'm okay. It's that moment the task is complete when I have nothing else to focus on that I begin to waffle about and panic. 

So last night as I was laying in bed, allowing the Benadryl to kick in, I worried over my dad. 

2020 : Operation teach Brooke to use product

Today I went back and I could see he had gotten some sleep. The weariness was gone and he was taking care of her with renewed strength. It felt good to see that and it felt good to be beside her. 

She is still in so much pain. We catch glimmers of her true nature but she's awake. She tries to engage in conversation. In fact, I sat by her side and watched a sweet little UpTV movie while she slept. Periodically she would wake up and interrupt the movie with comments such as, "Oh that's so cute" and "So sweet". You would have never known she slept through it. 

She's still able to take her medication, that usually entails brief moments of waking her, a quick drink and she's back to sleep. As hard as it is to see her go through this being near her is helping me. I can see she is tired. I can see that the body is only part of being. As this body weakens her spirit has so much more to do. This makes it obvious to me that the Lords plan of happiness continues on after the body stops functioning. 

Mixed with the pain of losing her, I am also gaining a desire for her to leave us and continue on her journey. 

My prayer today as she reached over and held my hand was simply this, 

"Heavenly Father, I know you could heal her tonight if it were your will. I know you could lift her from this bed at full health just as you instructed prophets to do in the scriptures. But if that is not your will, then don't let her hurt anymore. Allow her body to rest. Those of us that remain behind will hurt for a time, but we will be okay. Because of how well she has taught us, we will be okay. She's eager to continue her work in thy kingdom with those family members that are waiting for her."

In Jesus name I closed the prayer. 

After Amen my tears stopped and I watched her sleep. 

I love my mom. I am so glad I live close to her. 

Proximity is helping me do everything in my power to help her and because of that I am okay.