Morning vs Mourning ... I never really looked at those two words side by side before. That 'U' is pretty powerful. When I think of the Morning I think of a new day. The sun is rising, the night has passed off all of yesterday's chaos creating a chance to start off brand new. True it's difficult to wake up, roll out of bed and get going most mornings. Which is usually because I've hung onto the previous day so tightly I failed to sleep during the night.
Then the 'U' is added. Mourning, a painful process takes over where one must work through a heavy loss. A process that apparently relapses several times and is in no way a linear journey. It's a struggle to get to that new beginning. The moment where the sun comes up and you can start again, but until then, mourning is dark and lonely and just ... hard.
I haven't even lost her yet but I'm feeling her slip away. Watching her body snuggle while her soul is still vibrant and alive, but that blasted cancer just slowly weakens her.
I heard somewhere that there are three reactions too sorrow; One, is to give in and allow anger to consume you. Hate the world, hate God, hate everything and just be mad. Another is to endure. Keep your head down and just get through. Know where the line is and walk it. That means you don't step over the line but you don't step away either. The last reaction, is to become stronger. We grow through trial and error we grow through failures and struggles. We learn to stand up and fight. Every underdog story as a book or movie has preached this fact. We become stronger as we persevere through sorrow.
I want to be strong, though I don't really know how to get there. I've been keeping my head down in the land of denial but I can't stay there. My head is clearly not up yet, but I do feel the need to become stronger. I feel the pull to lift my head and find that path that will help me become better through this pain.
But I readily admit my neck does not have the strength .... I clearly can't do this alone ...
No comments:
Post a Comment