Change

You remember that game you played as a kid. When you'd pretend to offer something to someone, "here you can have it". It was usually something pointless and shiny but always something the other kid really wanted. Than just as they reach for it you pull your hand away leaving them with nothing to grab but air. And at the time you think its so funny because they grabbed AIR!

Yeah I just decided that that's not a funny game. To have something you've wanted with all your being pretty much in your grasp, it's there right there, than have it taken away its just not a "fun" feeling when you pull back with a fist full of air. But let me tell you something surprising... I'm okay.

Why? Because I have been blessed with a great family and the gift that communicates the peace and knowledge directly from Heavenly Father. Though I've been left with an empty feeling having lost the one thing that I've always wanted. I can tell I was prepared for it. Even after the doctor hugged me and I cried for a few hours I still have the same feeling, We're okay.

I think the main reason is because now I know that it's possible and it can happen again. After four years of wondering if I can get pregnant at all, now I know I can. It may take some help but it can work again and next time it might be able to stick. If it's supposed too.

And now since I'm allowed too, I'm going to run around the block fifty thousand time until I collapse on the ground. Doesn't that sound like fun? It does to me! After the doctor telling me I can't do anything for over a month, I really want to do some physical activity. Than probably next month or whenever the doctor says its best, we'll start it all over again.

I love my family and someday I will have my own.
Later Days!