I am generally a quiet person when it comes to my own personal health. In the past when I've been in pain I would hide in a corner, curl up in a ball, and most of the times in tears, wait for it to pass. My mother would often find me in such a situation up in my room. Or when I was over at the Searle's, Grandma or Nettie would drag me to a warm bath. So writing all this down or telling most people about it, even my own family, I hadn't even considered it. Than I remembered only the people I want to see this blog can see it. So here I write, and I will write a few things. Feel free to comment as you so desire. I take very well to humor, in fact it will be appreciated throughout this foreign event.
For over four years now Mitchel and I have been taking our own personal family growth very seriously. With no luck on our own, about a year and a half ago we felt impressed to visit a fertility specialist in Vegas. It seemed ideal. I had just gained a job which included insurance that would cover such things. And as you know after several visits I had surgery discovering I had endometriosis. Which doesn't make it impossible to get pregnant on my own but it does drag the percentage down to between 2 and 4. (Not very encouraging numbers) There were also other irregularities that couldn't be fixed with medication or surgery. Interestingly enough the only cure, as with most infertility issues, is to get pregnant. (For some reason that fact makes me laugh)
There were several options for us to pursue. Most processes would increase our chances by 10 percent. With certain medications it would jump to 20 or 25 percent. Than there was the option of IVF which would jump it instantly to 50 and 60 percent and another type of the same process that increases it more than that. I'm not a gambling person, and with my diagnosis of endometriosis I agreed with the doctor. It's best to go instantly where the odds were greater than spending a ton of time and money on the other ways just to find out that I'm going to have to go with the IVF anyway.
We fasted and prayed, and many of our friends and family did the same. And still the idea sounded logical. Than we moved to RENO.
I was worried that all this decision making was for nothing until I found my current doctors office. They are ranked sixth in the nation and they are all total sweethearts. My doctor is Dr. Whitten and he shares his practice with Dr. Foulk (who is LDS) and the nurse's that occupy the office are very kind, efficient, and put you at ease instantly. I am truly blessed to have them. It was a reconfirmation that this is a great place to take on this challenge. So the three of us (Me, Mitch, and the Lord) decided that this was part of doing everything in our power to achieve our goals. But we still had the finance issue. The whole time I kept thinking, "I am a full tithe payer", and "wanting to have kids is not a selfish desire".
After a lot of crying when putting together our budget, and struggling to get both Mitch and I on the same page about tightening our belts I couldn't believe it. We were once again blessed with people who were wanting to help us. They're all anonymous so I can't thank anyone specifically. But it's truly a blessing to have such helping hands out there in our extended family as well as friends that want to help us with our dream. That was the moment where we actually started to believe this could happen.
Still I had to constantly reprimand myself. Though I had already received confirmation that this was a path Heavenly Father agreed we should take my fears would create all sorts of illusions. As most of you know I do have an over active imagination. I imagined the entire process in detail where various things go wrong. I doubted my bodies ability to handle the stress. I panicked over the possibility that in the end I wouldn't end up with a baby at all. Panicked over dealing with the depression after waiting those last two weeks for the pregnancy test and for it to come out negative. I panicked over the this being a waist of money. And much much more. I was panicking over most of it up until the day before the start of my cycle. Than my Visiting Teachers came to visit.
I had a set of VT's before hand, which were great, but suddenly this month they changed. And they didn't change everyone's VT's, just mine. When they came over they were fantastic. Ladies that were my age, sweet and energetic. One is several months along. Turns out she'd been doing artificial procedures for over the past three years, with my same doctors office. The other VT had also been doing testing over the past three years at the same office and the two had become best friends by helping each other through there visits and taking medications, etc. These ladies were specifically picked for me. Not only that, on that same day one had randomly remembered that she needed to return the others book on fertility (which she'd had for almost a half a year and kept forgetting). And she was inspired to bring it on that day. The book is now in my hands, and it's one of the ONLY LDS books written on views of Infertility called Fertile in our Faith by Krista Ralston Oakes. I'm only halfway through it but I'm even more sure now that this is what WE need to be doing.
I know a lot of people don't understand and I'm scared out of my mind about doing this. Where I have the certainty that this is what we need to do I'm still worried about it not working the way I want it too. I'm worried about my very scary list of medication and injections that I have to do all by myself. I am worried that the Lord thinks I can handle more than I think I can. It's an illogical worry, and I know our families are thinking about us daily and praying for us, but as I mentioned before I have an over active imagination.
I love my life. And I will take the trials that the Lord will continue to throw at me. I just need someone to remind me of several facts such as: He won't give me more than I can handle. Wanting children is a righteous desire. Shots only hurt for a minutes and just because you're giving them to yourself doesn't mean you're some sort of druggie. And that you all are out there supporting me and encouraging me even when I post some sort of complaint or I'm crying because it's not happening like I thought it should happen.
I love my family, and I am doing all this for my own.
For over four years now Mitchel and I have been taking our own personal family growth very seriously. With no luck on our own, about a year and a half ago we felt impressed to visit a fertility specialist in Vegas. It seemed ideal. I had just gained a job which included insurance that would cover such things. And as you know after several visits I had surgery discovering I had endometriosis. Which doesn't make it impossible to get pregnant on my own but it does drag the percentage down to between 2 and 4. (Not very encouraging numbers) There were also other irregularities that couldn't be fixed with medication or surgery. Interestingly enough the only cure, as with most infertility issues, is to get pregnant. (For some reason that fact makes me laugh)
There were several options for us to pursue. Most processes would increase our chances by 10 percent. With certain medications it would jump to 20 or 25 percent. Than there was the option of IVF which would jump it instantly to 50 and 60 percent and another type of the same process that increases it more than that. I'm not a gambling person, and with my diagnosis of endometriosis I agreed with the doctor. It's best to go instantly where the odds were greater than spending a ton of time and money on the other ways just to find out that I'm going to have to go with the IVF anyway.
We fasted and prayed, and many of our friends and family did the same. And still the idea sounded logical. Than we moved to RENO.
I was worried that all this decision making was for nothing until I found my current doctors office. They are ranked sixth in the nation and they are all total sweethearts. My doctor is Dr. Whitten and he shares his practice with Dr. Foulk (who is LDS) and the nurse's that occupy the office are very kind, efficient, and put you at ease instantly. I am truly blessed to have them. It was a reconfirmation that this is a great place to take on this challenge. So the three of us (Me, Mitch, and the Lord) decided that this was part of doing everything in our power to achieve our goals. But we still had the finance issue. The whole time I kept thinking, "I am a full tithe payer", and "wanting to have kids is not a selfish desire".
After a lot of crying when putting together our budget, and struggling to get both Mitch and I on the same page about tightening our belts I couldn't believe it. We were once again blessed with people who were wanting to help us. They're all anonymous so I can't thank anyone specifically. But it's truly a blessing to have such helping hands out there in our extended family as well as friends that want to help us with our dream. That was the moment where we actually started to believe this could happen.
Still I had to constantly reprimand myself. Though I had already received confirmation that this was a path Heavenly Father agreed we should take my fears would create all sorts of illusions. As most of you know I do have an over active imagination. I imagined the entire process in detail where various things go wrong. I doubted my bodies ability to handle the stress. I panicked over the possibility that in the end I wouldn't end up with a baby at all. Panicked over dealing with the depression after waiting those last two weeks for the pregnancy test and for it to come out negative. I panicked over the this being a waist of money. And much much more. I was panicking over most of it up until the day before the start of my cycle. Than my Visiting Teachers came to visit.
I had a set of VT's before hand, which were great, but suddenly this month they changed. And they didn't change everyone's VT's, just mine. When they came over they were fantastic. Ladies that were my age, sweet and energetic. One is several months along. Turns out she'd been doing artificial procedures for over the past three years, with my same doctors office. The other VT had also been doing testing over the past three years at the same office and the two had become best friends by helping each other through there visits and taking medications, etc. These ladies were specifically picked for me. Not only that, on that same day one had randomly remembered that she needed to return the others book on fertility (which she'd had for almost a half a year and kept forgetting). And she was inspired to bring it on that day. The book is now in my hands, and it's one of the ONLY LDS books written on views of Infertility called Fertile in our Faith by Krista Ralston Oakes. I'm only halfway through it but I'm even more sure now that this is what WE need to be doing.
I know a lot of people don't understand and I'm scared out of my mind about doing this. Where I have the certainty that this is what we need to do I'm still worried about it not working the way I want it too. I'm worried about my very scary list of medication and injections that I have to do all by myself. I am worried that the Lord thinks I can handle more than I think I can. It's an illogical worry, and I know our families are thinking about us daily and praying for us, but as I mentioned before I have an over active imagination.
I love my life. And I will take the trials that the Lord will continue to throw at me. I just need someone to remind me of several facts such as: He won't give me more than I can handle. Wanting children is a righteous desire. Shots only hurt for a minutes and just because you're giving them to yourself doesn't mean you're some sort of druggie. And that you all are out there supporting me and encouraging me even when I post some sort of complaint or I'm crying because it's not happening like I thought it should happen.
I love my family, and I am doing all this for my own.
I love you! I'm so glad you are my friend :o)
ReplyDeleteHe won't give you more than you can handle. Wanting children is a righteous desire! Shots only hurt for a minutes and just because you're giving them to yourself DOESN'T mean you're some sort of druggie! And we are out here supporting you, because we love you, and so will your children!!
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to tell you that today. I love you. :-)
Brooke you are so awesome! I laughed at the druggie comment. It sounds like you are well taken care of and that Heavenly Father is really aware of your needs! I have no doubt everything will work out!
ReplyDelete